The Advice given by My Parent Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."